I decided to visit the local aquarium this past weekend as it seemed like a good time. When I got there, I left early because something seemed fishy about that place...
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I bought some velcro Sketchers the other day.... they are a total rip-off!
My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but... that's his story and he's sticking to it.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk
I was staying at a hotel on vacation one time and they said they charged extra to use the air conditioning. That was so un-cool of them for that
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left
Looking over a menu at the restaurant, the snowman decided what he really wanted. He was feeling a little.. chili
I was talking with a farmer the other day when his dog escaped from his property. All he had to say was "that dog-gone dog done gone escaped again!"
I tried to stay up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was hiding during the night.... Then it dawned on me
I was kicked out of the coffee club the other day and I am furious... all because I wore a tea-shirt
I have always thought that Justice is a dish best served cold.. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
I saw a group of turkeys getting off a train. I looked up and saw it was called "The Gravy Train". Guess that is how turkeys travel. (Bad Dad Joke for Thanksgiving)
I can only imagine what it was like when Benjamin Franklin discovered Electricity.. it was most likely Shocking to him
Someone stole my glasses the other day. Whoever you are, I will find you... I have contacts
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks will always try to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog..
I recently heard about this new invention called the chocolate record player. It sounds pretty sweet
I bought an authentic pirate ship the other day, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.. it was on Sail
What is an astronaut's favorite part of their computers? The space bar
Where do armies belong? In your sleeves.
One day, me and 2 friends went out to get a drink. My 2 friends walked into a bar, I ducked and laughed at them
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