Coping advice

[Thumper.N]

Hey Cav Fam. I haven't been around much since I left, just so much going on, but I finally finished my MBA.PMA. I'm really just lost right now though. My English Bulldog Winston died yesterday at 3 and a half due to an accident. I'm looking for advice on coping with the loss, as I'm generally just crushed...that pup helped me through a really dark time. Generally the Cav at least was always a place to get that kind of thing from, so I figured I'd try and see if anyone had any ideas. Thanks.

V/r,

Justicar

 

[Mix.C]

For what it is worth,

Loosing a pet, especially before their time, is absolutely awful. I think there is a tendency for some people to want to minimize the loss because it was "just a dog" or whatever but that is absolute nonsense. Our pets are often incredibly important relationships in our lives and the grief that comes with their death is utterly real and just as valid as it would be with a human loved one.

I don't have any words that can make that pain any less but I do encourage you to be gentle with yourself. It is totally OK to be a wreck if thats where you are at. Look after your physical well being if you can. Diet and exercise and sleep and all that. It helps a lot but of course it is not easy to have the willpower for that stuff when you are down. And that is OK too.

Just hang in. I don't really believe in closure or whatever but It will be easier in time. Meantime it's OK to be sad.

 

[Boyd.M]

I'm not great at giving advice like this, though I have been through a fair amount of trauma myself. One thing I can say with absolutely certainty is that when you feel like isolating the most, reach out to those that care.

Family, friends, this community right here, we've got your back, and we will be there for you. If you ever need to chat hit me up on discord.

❤️

 

[Babcock.R]

So hey. I don't know you personally but Cav is Cav and that makes you family. Congratulations on the MBA.PMA!

Losing a pet, as Mix said, is such a terrible thing. It's the absolute worst and you question why it happened and what could you have done and why, what, why, why.. It sends your mind into a tailspin and it's the worst feeling in the world. I felt that way with my cat that had to get put down, not because of an accident, but because her seizures were getting too bad. I dealt with that loss by doing the wrong thing which was burying it.

Never bury how you feel, man. Talk, let it out, ugly cry if you have too. Get those emotions out to people who will listen and never judge. I'm sure there's tons of us here that'd lend you that shoulder for as long as you need.

The next step is to remember. Remember all of the joy, the happiness, and how that pup brought you out of those dark spaces. How much unconditional love they had for you and how they wouldn't want you back in that space and they never wanted to leave you. Tell those stories about funny things they did, or sweet things they did, or hell, even things they did to piss you off like having diarrhea across the kitchen floor. The reason is because that keeps them alive in your heart and still there for you, but now you just have to look in instead of out.

I hope this helps and if you need someone to lean on, I'm here, bud. I'm sorry for the loss you've suffered.

 

[Zaren.T]

Hi, It is really sad hearing you have lost a really great pet/family member.

I am in a really though part of my life after I got medical discharged from the military after 7 years and will not be able to work or do much hiking anymore. My way of coping with it is spending time with friends, family and of course the majority of my time is spent here in the Cav talking and playing with other members.

Just having someone to share the thoughts, emotions and give the mind other tasks and shift the thoughts on to something else has helped me get through allot and is still helping me getting along 😊

If you ever need someone to chat with or play games with you will usually find me on first platoon C/1-7 discord channel.

 

[Burton.P]

Brotha man...I'm sorry to hear about your loss man. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to hit me up.

That said, as far as coping dude, I would be a horrible source of advice but I'll give it anyways. When something goes sideways in my life I just bury myself in work and whatever else I can find and just take moments here and there to marinate in the mourning. Depression isn't necessarily a bad thing, nor is mourning, so long as it's in moderation and doesn't become a rut you're stuck in. Sometimes it's a good idea to slow down for a day or two and just -be sad-. It's alright to be.

 

[Mann.M]

Hey Cav Fam. I haven't been around much since I left, just so much going on, but I finally finished my MBA.PMA. I'm really just lost right now though. My English Bulldog Winston died yesterday at 3 and a half due to an accident. I'm looking for advice on coping with the loss, as I'm generally just crushed...that pup helped me through a really dark time. Generally the Cav at least was always a place to get that kind of thing from, so I figured I'd try and see if anyone had any ideas. Thanks.

V/r,

Justicar

Really sorry to hear you are struggling Thumper

I think self-care is underrated for stuff like this. Indulge yourself when you want to do things. Don't deny yourself reprieve.

 

[Mullins.R]

I'm sorry to hear that Thumper, it's never easy losing a loved one even a pet. I sadly had to say goodbye to my Pomeranian of 14 years at the beginning of March; it was a dark and rough time...

The only advice I can give is: give yourself all the time you need to mourn; there's no expiration time on mourning but always do it in a positive expression. Reminisce of great times but don't let rob you of great times to come. Use this time to explore yourself: find a new band to listen to, spend some quality time with friends or family, explore the outdoors in woods or a city streets.

Or you can do what I did: rejoin the 7Cav!

Also, congrats on the MBA!!

 

[York.K]

What I found helped me greatly with the loss of an animal is get another one right away. The void and emptyness of a pet not being there hurts the most. Being spiritual I also found that my new pet recieved the wisdom and spirit from my other pet. So really they never leave you.
I found the longer I was in a void the more it hurt.
Sorry for your loss, losing a furry friend hurts as much as losing a best friend.

 

[Sinca.J]

Hey Justicar,
We miss you ‘round here. One thing this community lacks is the ability to reach out and give a real handshake, pat on the back, or a bear hug. I wish it weren’t so. I’m in San Diego, and if by chance you find yourself in the area, let’s grab a bite to eat together. Until that day, keep making memories that you can look back upon that will fill your heart with joy. And for those times that bring you down, remember the strength and courage it took to keep moving forward. Take from both those experiences the wisdom that you can share with others, to lift them up and be a strong shoulder to lean on.
Prayers for strength and healing my brother,
Sinca

 

[Kent.R]

1. Thank you for being vulnerable and posting this
2. It is helpful beyond just you. Creates a space that allows this Brotherhood we discuss to sustain itself.

It's tough. It's hard. Let it happen, feel the emotions. Come closer to others. Hope to see you around!

 

[Burlas.J]

Hey Cav Fam. I haven't been around much since I left, just so much going on, but I finally finished my MBA.PMA. I'm really just lost right now though. My English Bulldog Winston died yesterday at 3 and a half due to an accident. I'm looking for advice on coping with the loss, as I'm generally just crushed...that pup helped me through a really dark time. Generally the Cav at least was always a place to get that kind of thing from, so I figured I'd try and see if anyone had any ideas. Thanks.

V/r,

Justicar

I feel you there. I just moved out from living with my fiancee whom I've been together with for three years. It's been a rough transition and while it's not the loss of a beloved pet, I recently lost a cat who was my close buddy. What I've found is that you try to keep things in perspective while carrying on and when it hurts, you remind yourself that the pain will lessen as the days pass but the gift of the memories you had becomes the real blessing. Whether a person or an animal - your life was better because they existed and therefore the animal's life has much meaning. We can't turn back the hands of time but we can remember that we all leave this earth and the time we're all here is much to short. The real gifts given are the people/animals and the memories we share. That's the real gift.

I'm praying for you and I hope that in the future we have a chance to meet. Allow yourself time to hurt and grieve but keep the gift given from your time together at the forefront. If you need anything, please reach out to me. Even if it's just to cuss up a storm or complain. I mean that - not just lip service. It helps.

Scouts out.

 

[Lindsay.A]

Hey Cav Fam. I haven't been around much since I left, just so much going on, but I finally finished my MBA.PMA. I'm really just lost right now though. My English Bulldog Winston died yesterday at 3 and a half due to an accident. I'm looking for advice on coping with the loss, as I'm generally just crushed...that pup helped me through a really dark time. Generally the Cav at least was always a place to get that kind of thing from, so I figured I'd try and see if anyone had any ideas. Thanks.

V/r,

Justicar

Thats heartbreaking, he was really sweet little guy. I wish I could say something to help assuage your grief but unfortunately it's just a painful thing and will hurt for some time.

You have my contact info if you feel like talking.

Remember the joy he brought and let yourself hurt no need to put on a brave face.

 

[Kastor.K]

Hey, Brother. You've lost a dear friend in that doggo and there's zero point zero shame in showing your grief over the loss. He's been supporting you emotionally for over three years like you've said - it's a good thing that you can remember that, please make THIS the takeaway from the time you've spent together. It's very hard now, I know, but the more you're able to focus on the good time you guys had together and make THIS the meaning of that time, the easier it will get on you as time passes by.

Thank you for reaching out to the Cav, mate, we have your back. If you can meet any of the guys who offered above and surely more will below, in person, please take them up on the offer. Slow your life down if you can, indulge in pleasant stuff, go to nice places, take up that hobby you never had time for.

You just got badly hurt, so give yourself time, space and permission from yourself to convalescence, heal, mend your emotions.

Take good care of yourself, please, Brother.

 

[Fisher.S]

Sorry to hear. Losing a pet is terrible..

 

[Thumper.N]

Thank you all for the thoughts and advice.